Just Like Now
by Civilized Lee
Summary: Jack's death was the end for most of Pandora. But for Lilith, this is how it begins, fighting the disease forced upon her, the disease she gives to herself. Lilith/Maya
1. A Thousand Ways

This is how it begins. She tries to distance herself, but it always comes back again.

Lilith stares vacantly ahead, lying on her right side, her arm dangling over the side of her bed. Getting herself out from under the covers to get dressed and face the morning seems like an impossible chore. But she must. They have to rebuild. Jack's death was only the beginning in ridding Pandora of the Hyperion scourge.

She slowly casts the blanket off and sluggishly gets out of bed. She trudges to the bathroom, turns on the shower, and brushes her teeth.

The shower is one of the few places she can be alone with her thoughts. Since she's been back, there's been so much to do. Eradicating Hyperion, relocating Sanctuary back to its original location, Roland and Bloodwing's memorials...

She breathes in the steam, letting it fill her lungs before she slowly exhales. The temperature would be unbearable for most, but the Firehawk barely notices the heat. The water cleanses her, refreshes her, purifies her, disguises the tears in the only moment she dares let them fall.

She bows her head, her wet hair hanging down in her face, her left hand trembling against the cool glass of the shower door.

She spends longer in the shower than she knows she should. There's so much that needs to be done. And she can't shake the nagging feeling that she has forgotten something.

The faucet squeaks as she twists it off, and the distinct sound of water droplets slapping against the shower tiles are the only sound as she towels herself off, puts on her clothes, and fixes her hair and makeup.

She lets out a tired groan and rubs her forehead. She just wants to get back into the shower and sit under the water for another twenty minutes. She doesn't want to go outside and face the day, face her friends. But she must.

She cracks open a strongbox and takes a small nugget of eridium out. With some effort, she manages to get the door on the small safe closed again.

Lilith sits on the edge of her bed, studying the small nugget in her hands, rotating it in her fingers, tracing her fingertips over its jagged edges. She sighs as her tattoos begin to glow; the eridium slowly dissolves in her hands. She watches her light skin as it begins to glow a deep purple.

For a while, for a fleeting, solitary moment, she feels whole again.

But the rush isn't as intense, and it doesn't last as long as it used to, before Jack captured her. She thinks back to the control core, and the almost guilty look Maya cast towards her when Angel died. With just a glance, she had somehow managed to say more than words ever could convey.

She curses Jack's name. The rush she feels from the eridium, the flooding energy pulsing through her veins, the warming embrace from the top of her head to the tips of her toes... as well as the agony of coming down, the clawing pit at the bottom of her stomach, the pounding headaches, the tremors, the cold sweats in the middle of the long sleepless nights, the hollow void she could sometimes feel in her chest... they are all testaments to Jack's final act of retribution. He didn't kill her like he would've liked, but the small taste of the years of torture Angel went through are a constant reminder to Lilith that even though he's dead, Jack is still torturing her.

She's tried to quit, but the guilt and self-loathing after she uses are nothing compared to the withdrawal. Even though she knows every time she uses Jack is still beating her, it's easier for her than detoxing. It also helps keep her focused. If she stays busy, she doesn't have to think about Roland, about Angel, about _anything_.

Her ECHO communicator beeps from across the room. With a sigh, she stands up and puts it on. "Yeah?"

"Hey, where are you?" It's Maya's voice on the other end.

Lilith frowns. Was she expecting her somewhere?

Fuck. Their training session. She had completely forgotten.

"Right. Sorry. I'm on my way."

Lilith shuts her eyes, and the familiar tingling sensation starts tickling her skin as it begins to glow a bright purple. With a snap of her fingers, her vision is washed out in white light.

Maya startles as she hears a loud crack behind her. She looks over her shoulder and sees Lilith smirking down at her, arms folded over her chest.

"I really wish you'd tell me when you're about to do that," Maya says, not bothering to hide the annoyance in her voice. "You ready to go?"

"I was born ready," she says, a grin playing across her lips.

Their training session, as luck would have it, actually doubled towards their efforts at rebuilding some of what Jack had taken from them. First on the list of things to do was getting Sanctuary back on the ground. To do that, they had to clear out its old resting place.

The bandits had made a home in the Sanctuary hole surprisingly quickly, even constructing a few ramshackle huts alongside the catwalks. It wasn't Lilith and Maya's job to worry about that: they just had to wipe out the Bloodshots living there. The Crimson Raiders would take care of the logistical aspect of landing the flying city.

Despite the stormy weather, most of the bandits seem to be outside. Some are talking to each other, others are looking through a chest some of them stole from a rival clan.

"How do you wanna approach this?" Lilith asks, crouching down behind Maya and looking at the bandits from their vantage point above them.

"See that big guy down there?" Maya asks, pointing to an enormous bandit carrying around a steel riot shield, outfitted with spikes on the front. "He keeps patrolling the area. We take him out once he's out of sight of the rest, we can catch them off-guard."

"Have 'em running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Nice. How do you wanna take him out?"

Maya pulls a sniper rifle out of her digistruct holster, resting its bipod on the rock in front of her. She slides it back and forth a bit, ensuring it won't slip on the rain-soaked surface.

"Ah, the old-fashioned way. I think you're spending too much time with Zero."

Maya smirks, looking down her scope at her target, before glancing back up. A bright flash from a lightning bolt in the distance briefly illuminates the smirk on her face.

"They'll hear your shot, of course."

"Not if I time it with the thunder," Maya says, and almost as if on cue, a loud thunderclap sounds off. "That's where you come in. Wait for the next lighting strike. Give me the signal."

Lilith smirks, then starts scanning the horizon. Maya sighs, looking at a cloth hanging on a line through her scope to judge the wind before finding the nomad in her sights.

A bright flash to her left catches Lilith's attention. "Get ready..."

Maya breathes in, readying her trigger finger.

"Now."

Maya exhales and fires just as the thunderclap goes off. The nomad drops to the ground, and none of the other bandits seem alerted.

"Let's go," Maya says, slinging her sniper rifle over her back and sliding down the steep rock face towards the bandit encampment. Lilith quickly follows suit.

They quickly approach the fallen nomad and Maya risks a peek around the corner of a dilapidated building. She turns to Lilith.

"I'll pull this group together, and you blast 'em apart."

Lilith nods and quickly phases out. Maya steps out from around the corner, catching the bandits' attention.

"It's that witch from those wanted posters!"

"KILL HER!"

The bandits raise arms, but Maya raises her left arm quicker. A helpless psycho is lifted into the air, and several other bandits begin to get sucked in towards the rift.

"Shoot her, you dipshits!" shouts one of the bandits, hanging onto a handrail to avoid getting pulled any further towards the Phaselock.

A low rumbling sound comes from seemingly nowhere, followed by a small orb of light hovering over their heads. With a loud crack, Lilith phases in with a powerful blast right in the middle of the helpless bandits, killing them instantly, but at least with minimal pain. She slowly straightens up, her fiery wings spread out wide to either side.

"We're _really_ good at this," Lilith says with a giggle. Maya grins back at her, jogging over to catch up.

"Get the hell out of here!" a voice cries out. A grenade plunks down between Lilith and Maya, and Lilith reacts quickly. She dives into Maya, knocking her off of her feet, and while they hang in mid-air, she teleports the both of them behind a building.

Maya lets out a grunt as they land on the ground, then looks around, trying to figure out what happened.

"Thank me later," Lilith says, pulling Maya to her feet. "These guys wanna do this the hard way."

"They _always_ want to do it the hard way."

"Ain't that the truth."

"What's the plan?"

"The plan? Light 'em up," Lilith says, her wings spreading wide.

The marauder who threw the grenade seems satisfied for a while, before he notices the light-haired Siren emerge from behind a building thirty feet from where she was standing mere seconds before. "Dammit! They're still here!"

A psycho with a blue mohawk sprints up the stairs behind him, holding a grenade aloft in his hand and charging towards Maya with complete disregard for his own safety.

"Oh, _this_ is gonna be fun," Maya says, watching as the suicide bomber advances on her. She lifts her hand, stares him down, and focuses her powers.

The marauder watches as the light-haired Siren's tattoos illuminate. The suicide psycho stops in his tracks, stares at her for a few seconds, then turns around, cackling maniacally.

"Hey... no... STOP, YOU IDIOT!"

Maya laughs as she watches the suicide psycho chase after the backpedaling marauder. The latter heads towards a staircase, his only escape route, but at that moment, two other bandits come up to investigate the commotion, blocking his path. The suicide bomber runs up to the three bandits, holds his grenade up high, and releases its handle.

"BOOM TIME!"

Maya cackles as the grenade blows, blasting the other bandits down the stairs.

A few other bandits run screaming out of a nearby building, engulfed in flame. Lilith emerges shortly after them and gives chase. One flees down the length of the catwalk, while another just jumps over the railing, sailing into the city-sized hole in the ground and down into the Caustic Caverns. Lilith quickly chases the other down, and kills him with a quick psychic strike to the head.

"That's it for the punks up here. Meet ya at the bottom of the elevator," Lilith says to Maya, before disappearing in a purple flash of light. Maya dashes over to the elevator, then rides it down to the control room housing the city's power generator.

Lilith loudly phases in next to a computer console, knocking over one of the men unlucky enough to be caught too close to her. She quickly pulls out a cobalt incendiary pistol and shoots him before the rest of the bandits have a chance to react.

"You're gonna pay for that!"

She points the barrel of her gun at the bandit's head, but a sudden pain in her lower left leg throws off her aim as she pulls the trigger. She looks down and sees a young skag sinking its teeth into her skin and shaking its head vigorously. Angrily, she shouts out and shoots it in the head. The skag falls limp, but its teeth stay sunken into her leg.

"Bruno! No! You _bitch_!"

Enraged, the bandit lands a shot that clips Lilith's left side. He takes aim for center mass, but is lifted off his feet before he can take the shot, ensnared in Maya's Phaselock bubble.

Lilith sneers at him, then shoots a jet of flame from her palm that quickly swallows the bandit and kills him.

The room falls silent, and Lilith pries the dead skag from her leg before leaning on the rail, looking down at Maya, who stands beside a dead goliath. "You alright down there?" Lilith asks, trying to hide her wounds from Maya.

"Yeah. You?"

"Fine. Why don't you wait here for the Raiders to show up? I got stuff that needs doin' back at Sanctuary."

Maya starts to protest, but bites her tongue and nods. "You know you can..." she starts, but Lilith has already teleported away. "...talk to me about anything," she finishes to the empty room.

* * *

"Well, sure, I can patch ya up," Zed says, picking up a particularly sharp-looking needle. "But didn't ya say you were off fightin' with Maya? I'll take your money, but between you and me, she's probably a better medic than I am."

"Just fix it," Lilith says. Zed shrugs, and sets to work.

"That little feller got you pretty good, didn't he?"

"Yeah. Should've seen it comin'..."

"You're gonna need some shots to make sure you don't catch nothin' from that."

"Yeah, sure, great. Do whatever you need to."

"That means you're gonna have to pay an extra eight hunnerd," Zed adds in an undertone. Lilith rolls her eyes and slaps a large stack of bills on the tray holding his instruments.

She can't let Maya heal her. Not now. It may be pain, but it's the most vivid sensation she's felt since Jack kidnapped her. If she has to subject herself to Zed's questionable medical expertise, so be it.

* * *

The arrangements for landing Sanctuary back in its hole are final, but since it's so late at night, Scooter is too drunk to direct the city back to its resting place, and Lilith doesn't dare risk the lives of her friends and its citizens just so they can be on the ground a few hours earlier. So in the sky they stay.

She takes another hunk of eridium out of her strongbox, investigating the safe's contents to judge how much longer it will last her. A few weeks ago, the nearly-full strongbox could have lasted her weeks, maybe months, but she's using more than she did before and she doesn't know how long it'll be until she needs more.

She sighs and shuts the safe. She'll worry about getting more later. Right now she just needs to use. She needs to relax.

Before she can even start absorbing it, a knock on her door sounds. "Just a minute!" she says, quickly stuffing the purple nugget into a desk drawer.

"It's me," Maya says from the other side of the door. "You left the hole really suddenly, I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

Lilith looks at the door, then sighs before calling back. "Yeah, fine!"

"Can I come in?"

"...sure."

The door slowly opens and Maya steps inside, taking a long look at Lilith. "Are you avoiding me?" she asks after a short silence.

"Avoiding you? We're talking right now, aren't we?"

"You know what I mean. You were late showing up, and then as soon as we cleared everyone out, you couldn't leave fast enough."

"I told you, I had to do some stuff back here."

"We don't talk to each other anymore."

Lilith sighs and shakes her head. "Look, I don't know what to tell you... I'm not trying to avoid you, I've just been... keeping busy."

Maya's eyes bore into Lilith's so intensely that the redhead has to look away.

"It's just... hard to find time, I guess."

Maya's gaze turns to the strongbox on Lilith's desk. Its door is slightly opened. Her eyes turn back to Lilith: she's on edge, that much is obvious. "What's in that?" she asks, gesturing to the safe.

Lilith looks up and follows her line of sight to the desk. "That's nothing."

"Then open it."

"What?"

"If it's nothing, then you don't have anything to hide."

"Maya, please don't do this to me."

"You can't keep using that stuff, Lilith. You saw what it did to Angel. We both did."

"That was different," Lilith says, hoping to convince herself of her words as much as Maya.

"Lilith..."

"It's just... to take the edge off, alright?"

Maya's tone becomes more concerned as her protective instincts flare up. "You're hurt?"

Lilith stifles her laugh to barely a snort as she shakes her head. Maya has no clue.

"Show me," she says, taking a step closer.

Lilith sighs and steps out from behind the bed, sitting on its edge and giving Maya a glimpse at her lower legs. Blood from the skag bite has soaked through the bandage, and forms a crimson-colored stain on her pant leg.

Maya has never even seen Lilith injured. She looks from the bloody pant leg up to Lilith's face. "What happened?"

"I was focusing too much on the bandits. Didn't notice they had pet skags."

Maya slowly walks over and kneels on the floor, rolling up her pant leg and lifting the bandage to investigate Lilith's leg more closely. It's already been worked on – clumsily. "Did you go to Zed about this?", she asks, looking up into Lilith's eyes.

She nods, thinking back to her visit to the doctor, remembering the burn from the rubbing alcohol, the sting of the needles.

"Well he did a really shitty job," Maya says, turning back to the messy bandage work. "I could heal this in two seconds."

"No, Maya, you don't need to do that," Lilith assures her, but she's already begun taking the bandages off.

As she undresses the wound, Maya looks up and asks "Why didn't you say anything?", but Lilith doesn't respond.

She sighs and sets to work, slowly mending Lilith's leg beneath her fingertips. The Firehawk closes her eyes and sighs.

The sensation is peculiar. Similar to the eridium high, but... different. She's not sure how. She can't help but compare Maya's delicate touch to Zed's much less refined approach. Her fingertips skillfully pass over each jagged wound from the skag's powerful bite, alleviating the pain as the injury is erased beneath them.

The warmth spreads from Maya's fingertips, channeling into Lilith's leg and rippling softly through her body, soothing her nerves, staying her jittery fingers. She watches Maya work, fascinated at how she controls her powers so precisely, so gracefully. Not a bit of psychic energy is wasted, and Lilith can feel it. She thinks back to the bandit camp, to her chaotic phase blasts, her frantic, disorganized attacks. Her powers are an emotional release, each battle, each fight offering a chance to unleash all of her fury, all of her frustration, all of her fear.

And then there's Maya, who always seems to remain at an emotional constant, at least as long as nobody mentions her past. Her battlefield is a canvas, her Phaselock and her sidearm each a paintbrush. Every movement is calm and calculated. If she kills a bandit trapped in her bubble, she breaks her grip instantly. Not one movement, not one second of concentration is wasted. Not in the heat of battle, and certainly not right now.

Lilith slinks back slightly on the bed, then lets out a gasp as a sharp pain stabs her in the side. Zed's work on the bullet wound in her side was no more effective than what he did with the bite.

Maya alerts to Lilith's pained gasp and quickly stands up, placing her right knee on the edge of the bed to Lilith's left side. "Here, let me-"

"No," Lilith says, a bit more forcefully than she intended. Maya leans back, eyes wide with surprise, and Lilith softens her tone. "It's... it's nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing." Maya frowns as she watches Lilith wincing.

She won't let Maya heal her. The pain is the most alive she's felt in weeks. But it's not just the fact that it's the first vivid sensation she's felt since charging the Vault Key. She wants the pain. She needs the pain. Above all, she knows she deserves the pain. Maya extends a hand, but Lilith slinks away.

"You can't keep torturing yourself like this. It won't bring-... it won't change what's happened."

"You don't think I know that already?" Lilith half-shouts, on the verge of tears. "What do you think was going through my mind while Jack was pumping that shit through me? Huh? All I could do was think about Roland, and Angel, and what was going to happen to you after he used me up and tossed me aside!"

Maya steps back from the bed and falls silent, but Lilith stands up and continues, her emotions quickly ceding to anger.

"You have no idea. You've never even used the stuff. You can't _possibly_ know what I went through. Every damn minute being hooked up to that damned Key was my own personal hell."

"Lilith-"

"So why don't you just stop telling me shit I've already gone over a _thousand_ times and just leave?"

Maya stares into Lilith's eyes and opens her mouth to say something, but instead just shakes her head and storms out.

Lilith heaves a sigh and shuts her door before collapsing face-down on the bed in tears.

Eventually, she picks her head up and casts an angry glance towards the strongbox on her desk.

"This is all _your_ fault," she growls at it, pushing herself off the bed and storming over to the desk. She grabs onto the small safe and heaves it through her closed window, shattering the glass.

Instantly, she regrets letting go, and watches helplessly as it sails down past the floating city's platform, hurtling out of sight to the ground below. Now of all times would be a good time to use, to get her nerves under control. She pinches the bridge of her nose, biting her lip so hard she draws blood.

"Son of a _bitch_!"

She heads to the bathroom, looking into the mirror as she raises a hand to her lip. She leans forward to get a closer look, but winces as the pain in her still tender side flares up again.

Her thoughts drift back to before Maya knocked on her door, and her eyes light up.

She hurries over to her desk, pulling the drawer open and taking out the lone eridium nugget inside.

* * *

"Hey," Lilith says, poking her head into the command center, seeing Axton, Salvador, and Mordecai playing a game of poker. "Where's Maya?"

"Hey, did you say somethin' to her?" Mordecai asks, before taking a sip of beer.

"This is between me and her," Lilith says curtly. "Where is she?"

"Well, she left lookin _really_ pissed off. Said she was goin' to Moxxi's."

"Thanks," Lilith says, turning on her heel and walking briskly out.

"Really might not want to talk to her right now!" Axton calls out, but since she doesn't reply, he can't even be sure Lilith heard him.

Mordecai shakes his head and pushes a small stack of chips into the center of the table. "I swear. Only six of them can exist at a time, you'd think they'd wanna get along a little better."

"Nice to know even with those powers, Sirens aren't so different from other women!" Salvador booms with a laugh.

Lilith walks quickly down the street, each stride long and deliberate. From the street and through the side door, she sees Maya sitting at the bar, talking with Moxxi, who is bent over at the waist, leaning on the bar.

Maya doesn't notice Lilith until she feels a hand on her shoulder and is forcibly turned to face her.

"I need you," Lilith says, before closing her eyes and correcting herself. "I need to _talk_ to you."

Maya shrugs out of her grip and turns back to the bar. "Well I don't have anything to say to you."

Lilith takes a deep breath. "You're not even going to talk to me now? Is that it?"

Moxxi opens her mouth to ask if there's any trouble, but Maya holds a finger up, quieting her before she can even say anything. "Lilith, I know you're hurting, and I know you miss Roland, and I know you hate Jack for what he did to Angel, but you can't just lash out and take it out on me like you did."

"If you'd just let me-"

"We'll talk about this later. When you're less on-edge."

"But that's what I-"

"Good _night_, Lilith." She slaps a few bills on the bar before standing up and heading to the side door.

Lilith shakes her head, then turns around and grabs Maya's left shoulder, turning her around and pressing her back against the slot machine by the door. Before Maya can say anything, Lilith leans in and kisses her fiercely on the lips.

Maya feels Lilith's right hand cupping her cheek, and she can detect the distinct metallic taste of blood on Lilith's lips and tongue. Before she even has an opportunity to push her away, Lilith pulls apart, breathing heavily, staring at Maya with her intense orange eyes.

"Lilith-"

The Firehawk puts her index finger over Maya's lips to silence her. She waits a few seconds, hoping Maya will just push her off and walk out the door, or at least that she'll slap her across the face. But Maya just stands there, staring back. She doesn't look angry, or upset... just surprised. But Lilith can't tell if it's a look of pleasant surprise or not.

Against her better judgment, she places her hands gently on Maya's cheeks, stares deep into her silver eyes, and whispers softly:

"I want to do _terrible_ things to you..."


	2. Antibodies

This is how it begins. The only way she can be with her.

Lilith can't tell where Maya ends and where she begins. And that's the way she needs it to stay.

A sharp intake of breath, followed by a soft groan. A quickly whispered apology. A hushed dismissal.

"I really wish you'd let me-"

"No, no, I'm fine... everything's... so perfect..."

The irony is that for all the times Maya has talked about how she despised being treated as a goddess back on Athenas, she delights while Lilith worships her like one, her head bowed as she kneels at Maya's feet, kissing her thighs.

Nothing else seems to matter and Lilith's senses are so focused. She shivers at the slightest touch, her eyes take in every contour, and every moan, every sigh, every breath assails her ears, and she welcomes it all. The nagging voice in the back of her head, for the moment, is gone. She took the eridium and all that mattered was that she had to have her. She needs her.

Lilith's better judgment would have told her this was a mistake, but her better judgment is locked away. Her words, her moves, her hands are all directed by pure lust, but her eyes betray the longing inside her. She wants to enjoy every second, and she never wants it to end, but she knows she has to push away those thoughts. She knows how fucked up she is, and if she lets Maya get too close, she could destroy her. And she will not allow that to happen.

Lilith gazes up at Maya. There is no heaven above her, not tonight. Her goddess sits on the bed before her, her porcelain skin glowing, and not just from the light pulsing from her azure tattoos.

She slides her right hand up, her fingertips caressing Maya's body, tracing the swirling markings on her side and her breast. Maya's hand guides Lilith's along her body, but when their eyes meet, Lilith slowly breaks the gaze, turning her head back down. She is simultaneously overwhelmed by the desire in Maya's eyes and afraid of what her own might reveal about her.

And nails graze flesh and Maya's thighs squeeze and she moans Lilith's name and Lilith has never felt so wanted, and oh please God, she doesn't ever want to make it stop...

* * *

Lilith wakes up first, in a cold sweat. She looks at her left hand, her fingers shaking. The familiar void at the pit of her stomach is back, clawing at her from the inside.

She watches Maya sleeping in front of her for a few minutes, studies the tattooed pattern on her back. Her hand hovers over Maya's bare shoulder, and she wants nothing more than to hold her, to stay there by her side. But the thought quickly overwhelms her. It can't happen that way, and she knows it.

She doesn't want to leave. But she must.

She starts to roll over, but a sharp pain in her side stays her. After catching her breath, Lilith slips out of Maya's bed as quietly as possible, gathers and slips on her clothes, and silently leaves the room, boots in hand.

Upon getting back to her room, the first thing she notices is the hole in her window, and last night's outburst replays in her head. She sets her boots down at the foot of her bed, then walks over to the desk, surveying the bits of broken glass on the windowsill. All of those beautiful, horrible, purple pieces of ore are somewhere down on the desert floor a few hundred feet below the floating city...

She shuts her eyes and shakes her head. She threw that out for a damn good reason.

But she's already starting to feel wound up again and all it takes is just a quick teleport down and she can feel so much better...

The hot sand feels nice on the soles of her feet. The heat would be too intense for most, but she pays it little mind.

She looks up at the massive floating city hanging almost directly over her head. It should be near here. Her eyes scan the featureless fine sand for a bright flash of purple, reflected in the sun.

It's a glint of silver that catches her attention. She walks over towards it and kneels down, brushing the sand off. The strongbox.

For some reason, she expected it to have been destroyed on impact. Instead, it's still intact, resting in a small crater in the soft sand. Some of the eridium is still inside, and several more nuggets rest nearby in the sand: much more than she thought she would be able to find.

Her tattoos glow. The eridium shrinks in her hands. Her pupils constrict. Her toes spread apart. Her head tilts back.

The pit in her stomach is filled, but the emptiness finds another place within her to grow.

* * *

Lilith closes her eyes as the water flows from the shower head and splashes onto her face. There are no tears for the water to mix with.

She tries to keep her mind off of last night, but it keeps replaying in her head. And as she thinks of it, a familiar feeling of self-loathing begins to take root.

She knows it shouldn't have meant anything, but she still feels dirty: not for the act itself, but the way she feels as if she's used Maya.

But if she knows they can't ever become more than they are now, why does she feel so guilty about it?

Before she can torture herself any more, she shuts the water off and towels off, re-bandaging her partially-healed bullet wound before putting some clothes on. They'll be landing Sanctuary in a few hours. And she'd better be there to make sure Scooter doesn't kill everybody trying to guide it into its old resting place. With the engines operational, she has no need to phase it back. And for that, she's thankful. She can't bear the thought of putting her friends in danger again, especially Maya...

She shakes her head, as if trying to knock the thought itself out of her brain. She can't allow herself to think like that. She _won't_ allow herself to think like that. She has to stay focused, keep her mind off of last night.

That plan is almost immediately foiled when she opens the door and sees Maya standing on the other side, looking almost as surprised as Lilith is. "Oh. Hey."

"Hey," Maya says, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "I woke up and you were gone... I thought I should check up on you."

"Check up on me?"

Maya glances sideways for a second, wondering why Lilith would ask such a seemingly obvious question. "Well, I just... you were really upset last night, and then... _that_ all happened, out of nowhere, and..."

"I'm fine," Lilith assures her. Maya falls silent, then nods, apparently convinced.

"Okay. Well... the others and I are leaving in a bit... we have a few things to wrap up in Oasis and..." She rolls her eyes and sighs. "That Crater."

Lilith nods, and Maya has to bite her cheek to avoid showing her frustration.

"So I guess we'll probably be gone for a few days..."

All Lilith is able to allow herself to say is "Okay."

Maya's lips turn white as she presses them together, letting out a loud, frustrated exhale through her nose.

"Something wrong?"

"No. Nothing."

Lilith looks at Maya, badly wanting to lean in and kiss her and hold her in her arms, but a voice in the back of her mind keeps telling her_ She will never be enough to make you whole._

So she lets Maya wait for a confession that will never come, until her silvery-blue hair sways back and forth as she shakes her head. Maya turns on her heel and starts to walk down the hall, only to stop mid-stride and turn back around.

"At least let me heal you before I go," Maya half-pleads, gesturing towards Lilith's side.

Lilith sighs softly, then grabs the hem of her shirt and slides it up her body, not wanting to argue. Maya gets down on one knee and delicately removes the bandage before lightly placing her fingertips to the entry wound.

The familiar warming feeling ripples through Lilith's body and she leans her head back, letting the relaxing sensation wash over her. She feels Maya's fingertips slide over the exit wound, and she sighs softly as it too heals beneath her soothing touch.

Again, the feeling is gone all too soon, and Maya glides gracefully and confidently down the hall, around the corner, and out of sight.

Lilith shuts her eyes and leans against the frame of her door, putting a hand to her forehead, trying to quiet the voice in the back of her mind.

* * *

To everyone's great surprise (and perhaps his own most of all), Scooter manages to successfully negotiate Sanctuary back into its rightful place on the edge of the Three Horns Divide without injuring anyone or damaging the city itself in any significant way. Most of the town's citizens celebrate by venturing outside the city for the first time in weeks. Lilith celebrates by visiting Moxxi's bar.

The bartender flashes a smile at Lilith as she sits down and asks for a tequila with stactus fruit juice. "Comin' right up, sugar."

Lilith glances up uncertainly at Moxxi, feeling nervous about the grin playing across her heavily-made-up face.

"So... feel free to tell me I'm getting a bit too personal, here," Moxxi starts, placing a glass on the bar and pouring a shot into it. "...but what was going on with you and our Miss Maya last night?"

"That was nothing. Just a little misunderstanding," Lilith explains with a hand wave.

"Uh huh..." Moxxi doesn't sound the least bit convinced as she adds a hefty splash of stactus juice to Lilith's drink, then tops it off with some crushed ice and a quick squeeze of a lemon wedge. "So, you kissing her and then the two of you leaving like that was just... a misunderstanding, you said?"

Lilith greets Moxxi's sly smirk with a half-hearted grin. "We just... had a little talk. That's all."

"Mmm. If you say so, Lily."

Lilith lets out a small, grateful sigh as Moxxi glides out from behind the bar to wash tables. She doesn't want to lie about it. People are bound to talk anyway, but if she says something about it, then suddenly it will become real. And if it becomes real, then she won't be able to control it. And maybe it's that which frightens her the most.

As the next few days drag on, they all feel the same to her. At first, Lilith is grateful for the monotony, but even the comfort from that wears off not after long. She tries to distract herself by discussing strategy with Mordecai and Brick, but they have trouble coming to a consensus about what to do next. Brick is more interested in locating the other Vaults, while she wants to try reaching out to the Hyperion employees left on Pandora, to try and recruit them to their side just like Roland did with the men and women the Atlas corporation left behind. Mordecai, on the other hand, seems more hell-bent on eradicating the mega-corporation's presence on the planet, including the "eyesore" hovering over the planet's moon. She tries to convince him that the Hyperion satellite can be a major asset to them if they're able to overtake it, but he's still so blinded by rage for what they did to Bloodwing that he won't accept anything less than utter annihilation.

Deciding it's not worth the headache, she resolves not to discuss their upcoming strategy with those two until the rest get back from their trip.

She uses before going to bed, and falls asleep thinking about Maya's lips, wondering if she would have been better off had she never kissed them.

* * *

"I say we focus on their main factory, out in The Barrens," Axton says, tapping the glass surface. A hologram pops up above the map, showing a model of the Hyperion factory. "We take that out, we take out the bulk of their military presence here."

"Going in there with what little forces we have now is a suicide mission," Mordecai says, a half-empty bottle of rakk ale in his hand.

Five of the other Vault Hunters stand around the table in a loose circle. Krieg and Zero aren't at the meeting: Zero hadn't come back with the rest from Oasis, leaving them with just with a cryptic message about a wolf stalking its prey that nobody really understood, and a promise that he would return; Krieg was in Sawtooth Cauldron with some of Brick's Slabs, claiming the territory as their own. Under the cover of nightfall, the Sawteeth are unprepared, and Krieg and the Slabs won't stop until the Slab flag flies over the entire crater.

"He's right," Lilith says, folding her arms over her chest. "That place is shut down heavier than Knoxx's armory."

"I wanna take 'em down as bad as you do, _amigo_," Mordecai says to Axton, "but we gotta be smart about how we do this."

Axton nods, switching the hologram between a few smaller outposts and depots. "So you're sayin' we start choking them out. Take out the smaller targets, exhaust their supplies. Not quite as big a statement as blasting down the front door, but I guess it could work."

"How big of a statement do we need?" Gaige asks. "We already killed their friggin' President."

"Fair point."

"I wouldn't mind exploding that thing covering up _la luna_," Salvador growls, looking out the window up at the same moon he used to watch as a child.

"Oooohohohohhh, now _that_ would be a statement!" Gaige squeals with a maniacal giggle.

The screens above the command map flicker, and a video feed of Mister Torgue shows up on them. "DID SOMEBODY SAY SOMETHING ABOUT BLOWING SH*T UP?"

"Not now!" Mordecai shouts back.

"MAKE SURE TO KEEP ME APPRISED OF THE SITUATION!"

"You'll be the first to know once we make plans to blow shit up," Lilith says, then flicks the screens off. "Now. Where were we?"

"I dunno, I lost track... Oh, by the way," Axton says, a thought suddenly jumping into his mind. "Hammerlock wanted to take us on some kind of hunting trip, so... we'll be heading out tomorrow."

Lilith's eyes flicker up towards him. "What? You just got back yesterday! Can't that wait?"

"He said there have been reports of a lot of rare creatures that he wants to track down," Axton explains. "I would've liked to spend more time back here, too, but... well, it'll just be a few days."

Lilith runs her left hand through her hair. A few days. Another few days. She chances a sideways glance at Maya, and she feels her heart skip a beat when she sees Maya staring back at her out of the corner of her eyes.

"Okay, so we'll have some more time to figure this out while you all go kill uglies," Mordecai says.

Lilith's gaze tracks down to the exposed skin on Maya's left hip. She shuts her eyes and takes a deep breath, and when she opens her eyelids again she sees Maya grinning slyly back at her.

"We'll get somethin' hammered out, don't worry," Brick says confidently.

_She'll never be enough to make you whole_

Lilith angrily shuts her eyes and tries to focus on the conversation to drown out the little voice in the back of her mind.

"Something more than just punching the problem until it goes away," Mordecai adds. Brick and Salvador both look disappointed.

"Well. We've all got a long day ahead of us," Maya says, looking around the room. As her eyes fall on Lilith, she adds, "Maybe we should all get to our beds."

Lilith quickly looks up at Maya. A few of the other Vault Hunters mumble in agreement. Lilith just stares at her intensely, at the almost imperceptibly small smile playing across her blue lips.

Lilith watches as Maya quirks an eyebrow at her, then turns and walks confidently out of the room. One by one, the others leave, until Lilith is left standing there alone, her heart racing and her head spinning.

_She'll never be enough_

Lilith doesn't care. She can't stop thinking about that look, that confident smirk. She heads back to the living quarters, turning left instead of right in the hallway.

The door to Maya's room is cracked open.

Lilith lets herself in, closing the door behind herself. She is powerless to resist the flesh, the slowing of time, the opportunity to be sanctified by Maya's touch.

And time nearly stands still and they are all that exists and Lilith is made real and, please, please, please, she doesn't ever want to make it stop...

* * *

Lilith is the first to wake up again. She stands by the door for seven whole minutes, watching Maya sleep, before she hangs her head and quietly slips out.

She gives her strongbox a glance upon getting back to her room, but decides to get into the shower without using.

She spends longer than she knows she should in the shower. She knows Maya will have left for Aegrus by the time she gets out. And she wants to see her off, to say goodbye, but she wouldn't have the slightest clue what to say.

Shivering, she turns the hot water up even more than usual.

* * *

"Axton ECHOed in. He said they'll be back tonight."

Mordecai's words are all that Lilith has been able to think about all day. They've been in Aegrus for two more days than they planned. Lilith is nervous.

Lilith isn't worried about how Maya will react when she gets back. Lilith is worried about how Lilith will react when Maya gets back. She knows she wants to see her again. But not knowing how she'll react when she lays eyes on her makes Lilith's stomach churn.

As the sun sets, Lilith pays a visit to Moxxi's for a drink to calm her nerves. It's the first time she's been in the bar since Moxxi was prying for information about her night with Maya over a week earlier. Lilith is still a bit bitter about that. Even though she knows Moxxi didn't mean anything by it. It is Moxxi's business to know these kinds of things, after all.

The bartender gives her a coy grin as she pours her a drink, but sensing that Lilith isn't in much of a mood for conversation, Moxxi decides just to ask her how she's doing and keep it at that. Lilith can't help but wonder if that's because of how she reacted earlier. She drums her fingertips restlessly on the bar top. Moxxi focuses on cleaning the bar top while she casts a sideways look at Lilith's jittery fingers. She's been chewing her nails again. Terrible habit.

Lilith isn't left alone with her thoughts for long before Moxxi quietly says, "Now here's somebody I'm glad to see..."

"Drinks are on me tonight!"

Lilith recognizes the voice as Axton's without even needing to turn around. As the other bar patrons erupt in a cheer, she raises her empty glass in Moxxi's direction, and the bartender takes out a clean one to pour her another drink.

"Good trip?" Moxxi asks Axton as he sits one stool away from Lilith.

"Crashed drop barge means an armory," Axton explains as Moxxi pours him his usual Red Skag and coke. "And an armory means a few fun new weapons, and a helluva lot more to sell."

Lilith slowly looks over at Axton. "Drop barge? I thought Hammerlock was taking you all on a hunting trip."

"I did," Hammerlock's voice pipes up as he assumes his usual spot beside the bar. "Unfortunately our excursion was delayed by this Nakayama fellow, who was probably the worst excuse for a villain this galaxy has ever seen."

"Nakayama?" The name sounds vaguely familiar to Lilith, but she can't place it.

Axton clears his throat and answers. "Some Hyperion douche who thought Jack was a god or some shit. Imagine that." He laughs and downs the rest of his drink, then signals Moxxi to refill the glass. "Some nobody treating someone else like a god. Thanks, Moxx."

Lilith stares down at her drink, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Uh, no offense to your... uh, cult, I guess," he adds, misinterpreting Lilith's body language. "That wasn't your fault."

"Right. Don't worry about it," she says, keeping her head turned down.

"Did you really need to bring that up, Axton?"

Lilith instinctively turns at the sound of Maya's voice.

"I said I was sorry!" Axton protests.

"No, you said 'no offense'."

Axton leans his head back in exasperation, looking up at the ceiling. "Alright, Lilith, I'm _sorry_ I brought that up." He looks over his shoulder at Maya, and she gives him a small nod.

Lilith offers her a grateful smile, but Maya just slowly heads out the side door.

She downs the rest of her drink and gives a quick thanks to Axton for his generosity. She tries to look casual as she takes the side exit, but can't shake the nagging feeling that Moxxi is watching her leave.

"You look _horrible_," are the first words Maya says to her when Lilith catches up.

"Nice to see you, too."

"Are you feeling alright?"

Lilith grabs onto Maya's shoulders with quivering hands and looks into her silver eyes. "Better by the minute," she whispers, pressing her lips to Maya's. She doesn't care if anyone sees. Not now.

Maya gently places her hands on Lilith's shoulders and pushes apart.

"What's wrong?"

"I need you to promise me something," Maya says, looking into Lilith's wide, curious eyes.

"What is it?"

"Promise me... Promise me if you stay with me tonight... you won't be gone when I wake up."

Lilith shuts her eyes, bows her head, and promises.

* * *

Maya is the first to wake up this time. She glances over her shoulder, and is almost surprised to see Lilith lying beside her. Maya rolls over to face her and watches her sleep. She can't bear to wake her up, not when she looks so peaceful. So she waits.

When the redhead's eyelids flutter open, Maya plants her elbow on the bed and props her head up with her hand. Lilith looks at her curiously, rubbing her bloodshot eyes.

"Good morning," Maya says softly, raising her right hand to brush some hair out of Lilith's face.

"Mmm. Morning," Lilith mumbles.

"Sleep well?"

"Better than usual." Both women are surprised by Lilith's sudden honesty.

"How are you feeling?"

Lilith's eyes narrow slightly as she tries to parse the question. "About... what, last night?"

Maya's lips curl into a small grin, but she shakes her head. "I mean you're shivering," she says softly.

Lilith looks down as she feels Maya's hand slide gently onto her own.

"When was the last time you used?"

"Not long before you got back."

"Is that why you left? The other times?"

Lilith casts her eyes down. "Is that why you made me promise to stay here?"

"I had to be sure."

Lilith summons the courage to look back up into Maya's eyes. "Sure of what?" she asks, her voice timid.

"That you weren't ashamed of this. Of us. Of me."

Lilith shakes her head. "Never."

"I know," Maya whispers with a smile.

Maya brushes the redhead's cheek with her thumb. Her blue lips part briefly, and Lilith closes her eyes, bracing herself for the words she's been terrified to hear.

"I want us to be more than this."


	3. Discipline

This is how it begins. With a confession that floods her with pangs of guilt.

Lilith opens her eyes and locks gazes with Maya. She's not sure what she expected, but Maya's silver eyes just stare back at her, honest and vulnerable.

"More. Like... together?" Lilith says slowly.

To be honest, Maya isn't quite sure what to call it. She certainly never had occasion to say something like this to anybody on Athenas. All she knows is that she doesn't wants more nights like the last one, and maybe even more importantly, she wants more mornings like this one.

"I..." Lilith stammers, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I don't know... I have to think this over."

Lilith starts to roll to the edge of the bed, but Maya grabs onto her arm and pulls her closer. "Don't go. That eridium has you all messed up, Lil... I mean... I love the times we've had together, but... I can't let you keep using me like you use that stuff."

Lilith clenches her jaw and blinks quickly as her eyes threaten to water.

"I want you to answer now," she whispers, grabbing Lilith's wrist gently in her right hand and placing Lilith's hand to her chest. "While that purple shit isn't screwing with your emotions."

Lilith stares at the back of her hand and concentrates on the soft thumping of Maya's heartbeat against her palm. Now seems an appropriate time as ever to abandon all discretion. "I... I'm just so afraid that I'm going to drag you down into hell with me..."

"What do you think it feels like to watch you do this to yourself every day, over and over again?"

Lilith watches a tear fall down Maya's cheek, and she casts her eyes downward again.

"I don't mean to make you feel bad about it, but... it kills me to see that, Lilith. I care about you. Deeply."

"I care about you too, but... I don't want to destroy you like I do with everything else I care about..."

"That's the eridium talking. That's not you. You can get better. I can _help_ you get better."

Lilith groans in frustration. "It just... fucks with me so much... but there's always that part of me... that just wonders..." She wants to say _if you can complete me_, but her throat seizes up before she can push the words past her lips.

Maya falls silent and places her hand gently on top of Lilith's. Lilith lies flat on her back and stares up at the ceiling.

"I need help," Lilith whispers after a long silence. "Oh, God, I need help..."

The smallest of smiles creeps across Maya's face. Progress. As she watches Lilith's eyes, she swears she can see the neurons in Lilith's brain firing off behind them.

Eventually, those eyes refocus on Maya, and Lilith asks, "So this is basically an ultimatum... you or the eridium."

"If it helps you to think of it that way, then yes."

Lilith glances back up to the ceiling, then back again at Maya. "And you'll help me? You'd really... you'd really do this with me?"

"Every step of the way."

Lilith remains silent for a moment before taking Maya's hand in her own. "Then... I want to do this. With you. The right way."

A joyful tear slips out of Maya's eye as she leans in to plant a kiss on Lilith's lips.

* * *

"Well... as sad as I am to hear that I won't be able to observe the effects of eridium on you much longer, I do suppose this is in your best interests."

Lilith and Maya exchange a look. Was Tannis just trying to be compassionate?

"Was there... anything I could help you with?" she asks, sounding mildly perturbed.

And just like that, she's back to her usual self.

"Tannis," Maya explains, "we came to you because you're supposed to be the _expert_ on eridium."

"Oh, so you came to me for advice! Most agreeable. What would you like to know?"

"Well, I mean..." Lilith rubs the back of her neck and clears her throat. "What do I do? Should I just dump it all and stop using it altogether?"

"I certainly can't recommend quitting cold turkey," Tannis says, her ECHO recorder sitting in its usual spot on the table, recording their conversation. "We know that in extremely high doses, eridium withdrawal can be fatal, but I don't think it is a stretch to call Angel a fringe case. Someone using as much as you, though, I'm not sure. You are, after all, the only subject I have been able to witness first-hand when it comes to eridium use."

"Can you not call her a 'subject'?" Maya asks. "Maybe try something that, you know, reflects that she's human?"

"Case study?"

"Tannis..."

"It's alright," Lilith interrupts the two with a raised hand. "Human interaction isn't exactly her strong suit, I understand. So, Tannis... you're saying I need to get, what, weaned off of this shit?"

"Precisely. You'll need to gradually ingest it less often, and in smaller doses, until you can stop using entirely. This is less likely to kill you."

"Wh- _less_ likely?!" Maya shouts. "What do you mean, '_less_ likely'?"

"One cannot be sure if Lilith's body has already become dependent on eridium. But I would remain cautiously optimistic: it took Angel years to develop a lethal dependence. And she ingested it by the liter!"

Maya shakes her head and mutters the phrase "cautiously optimistic" to herself in a disbelieving tone.

"Now," Tannis says, taking out a notepad and pen. "How many pieces of eridium do you use a day?"

Lilith glances up at Maya nervously, and Maya sits down beside her and grabs her hand, giving it a supportive squeeze.

"Uh... about uhm... nine...?"

Lilith has a hard time telling if Tannis is judging her. Tannis _always_ looks like she's judging people. "And that's on a normal day?" the doctor asks.

Lilith nods.

"Nine doses, average say about 250... maybe 300 grams per dose, that's about two and a half kilos a day..."

Lilith hangs her head as Tannis keeps scribbling on her notepad and muttering to herself. Maya puts her arm around Lilith's shoulder.

"Hmm, you weigh, what, about 52 kilograms, give or take?"

"Tannis!"

Tannis ignores Lilith's objection to her question as she draws what appears to be a box-shaped grid, labeling each column with a single letter at the top. She fills each of the boxes in the first row with an 8, then the next row with a 7, then 6, all the way down to 1. "We'll try this. Reducing your dose by one usage per week, giving your body time to adjust to the reduced intake."

"Eight weeks..." Lilith mutters. Eight _weeks_? How long had it been since the first time she used? Years? How can she be expected to stop in _eight weeks_?

"Of course we can adjust the timeframe if your body is unable to handle the change, but I think this will be a good starting point, based on your daily consumption and body mass."

"You can do this," Maya reassures her, upon seeing the overwhelmed expression written all over Lilith's face. It's comforting to Lilith that at least one of them believes in her.

"But that's only part of the equation," Tannis says. "You will of course have to address your triggers. What makes you want to use eridium."

"So, like therapy." Lilith shakes her head and laughs. "I really am crazy."

"You're not crazy," Maya says, rubbing Lilith's shoulder. "It's a _disease_."

"So, who do I see about that, then?" Lilith asks, looking up at Tannis. "You?"

"My doctorate is in archeology, I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to give you any professional-"

"It was a joke, Tannis."

"Oh. Well, in any case, these are issues you'll have to work out with somebody. But I can offer assistance, if you so choose."

Lilith smirks. She thinks she'll pass on that offer.

* * *

Preliminary plans were in place to take out the Hyperion satellite. The newer group of Vault Hunters weren't being called away on any other treasure searches or fighting tournaments or hunting excursions. There was finally time for a memorial for Roland, Bloodwing, and the rest of their fallen friends and allies.

"I want to be sober for this," Lilith says, closing Maya's fingers around the eridium nugget and pushing her hand away.

"Are you sure?" Maya asks. Lilith nods, and Maya pockets it.

Lilith feels herself choking up as she stares at the inscription on the base of the statue. This memorial is much more fitting than the battlefield cross they made earlier: his beret resting upon his Scorpio rifle, the gun's bayonet stuck firmly in the ground. This bronzed statue is more fitting of a hero.

A single tear falls down her cheek as Mordecai says a few words in memory of Roland and Bloodwing, but it is all she will allow herself. She can't let herself break down in front of Tina, especially not after she nearly lost her temper with the poor girl earlier.

After Mordecai falls silent, Brick speaks next. Tina hugs Lilith and lets out a few quiet sobs, and Lilith pats the girl's head as she works on fighting back her own tears.

Lilith can't even pay attention to what anyone else is saying. She didn't expect to be so overwhelmed by what she assumed was just going to be a symbolic memorial. And it doesn't help that her body is crying out for her to pick up a piece of eridium and suck it into her system. But she owes it to Roland to be sober during this. She owes it to Bloodwing, and the rest of the Raiders. She'll deal with the shame of using later. Right now she needs to focus on steadying her jaw before she grinds her molars to dust.

Brick slowly steps back to his spot beside Salvador, and Lilith heaves a sigh. Her turn is up. Tina slowly lets go of her as she walks in front of the statue, turning to face the rest of the group. She looks out nervously at various pairs of eyes on her. She's grateful at least that it's only a small gathering of friends.

"_What do I say?_" she had asked Maya hours earlier. "_They're gonna expect me to say something_."

"_You know I can't tell you that. Just say what you feel. The rest will come naturally._"

"Uhm.. Rol-" Lilith coughs and clears her throat. "Roland and I... had our differences. And our arguments. In the time I knew him, he started as a rival, just more competition I'd have in finding the Vault. And then he was an ally. Then my friend. Then my- erm..."

She clears her throat again as her eyes fall on Tina.

"We were close. He was the only one I could talk to after I faked my death at New Haven... the only human connection I had. And even though that was after we broke up, I still cared for him... I still thought of him as one of my best friends.

"I'll always hold a special place in my heart for him. But... I think he can rest in peace, knowing that his sacrifice wasn't in vain... that we were able to avenge his death. And that everyone on this planet is safer, thanks to him."

Lilith turns and kneels in front of the statue, placing a lone bladeflower on the ground and putting her hand to the plaque on the statue's base.

"I miss you, Roland," she says softly, before standing up and taking her place beside Maya. Maya offers her hand out, and barely stops herself from letting out a yelp when Lilith takes it with a grip like a vise clamping down on her fingers. She squeezes back, and Lilith rests her head on Maya's shoulder, the whole group watching in silence as Tina timidly shuffles towards the memorial.

The two Sirens, Gaige, and even Brick all shed a tear as Tina hugs Roland's statue and says goodbye to him for the last time.

* * *

"You did good today," Maya says, kneeling behind Lilith on the bed.

Lilith grunts noncommittally. She stares at the tattoos on the back of her hands, still glowing a dim purple from the eridium Maya had given her moments earlier.

"I know how hard that must have been for you... saying goodbye to a friend like that... to someone you loved. I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you."

Lilith slowly looks over her shoulder. "You _know_? Have you ever had to go through the death of somebody you love?"

For just a fraction of a second, she can see the hurt in Maya's eyes, and Lilith instantly wishes she could take it back.

"I... I've never had anybody in my life to love before..." Maya admits, her voice soft and hesitant.

Lilith places her elbows on her lap and buries her face in her hands. Somehow, that answer hurts her more than any other she could have prepared herself for. "I'm sorry... I don't know why I said that..."

"It's okay."

Lilith shakes her head, her palms still pressed against her cheeks. "It's not okay. I had no right to say something like that to you."

"Lilith..."

"I know, I know, I'm beating myself up again. But I deserve it. You were just trying to make me feel better and I lashed out at you."

"Please, don't. I forgive you. I know you didn't mean it."

A silence falls over the room, and Maya scoots a bit closer.

"I didn't want to break down in front of Tina," Lilith admits quietly as Maya rests her chin on Lilith's right shoulder and wraps her arms lightly around her.

"You were very strong," Maya whispers.

Lilith straightens up slightly, smiling as the words flow gently into her ear.

"You're so strong..."

* * *

For the time being, Lilith and Maya have moved in the Lair of the Firehawk. Lilith refuses to let the rest see her like this.

The first week wasn't too bad. Nothing Lilith couldn't handle. But once that first drop-off came... that's when her body really started crying out for the stuff. And from there, she knows it will only get harder.

Her eyes have grown almost permanent dark circles underneath them. She gets tremors after a dose wears off. Her hair is disheveled from her twitchy fingers being passed through it so often. She frequently breaks out in cold sweats. But the worst is the nausea. The God-awful nausea. The vomiting in the middle of the night. It doesn't disrupt her sleep much – she has trouble falling asleep now anyway. But she feels terrible waking Maya up.

Maya holds to her promise. She is there for Lilith, every step of the way. Every morning, every evening, every cold, restless night. She can handle Lilith becoming irritated at the slightest trigger. She can allay her anxieties. She can even deal with Lilith during her bouts of paranoia. Lilith is eternally grateful that she can deal with her problems by talking with Maya, though in her more lucid moments she wonders: Who does Maya turn to when Lilith lashes out at her? When she loses her temper? When she makes ridiculous claims of Maya's intentions during the spastic fits of paranoia that would be better suited to Dr. Tannis?

Lilith can see the drain in Maya's face. Not when they're together, though. They are private moments: sometimes at night, while Maya lies staring up at nothing in particular, not noticing Lilith is awake and watching her, she can see the exhaustion in those silver eyes.

Lilith wonders if an outsider was watching them, would they think Maya was the one who had a problem?

But those moments are rare enough to be anomalous. Maya is inconceivably disciplined. She never gets angry with Lilith. She never raises her voice. She never gets fed up and walks out.

"_It's my upbringing, I guess,_" she had explained to a confused Lilith one day. "_Meditation. Patience. Understanding. Discipline. They said if I master those four principles, I could defeat any demon. You know, not everything the monks told me was total bullshit._"

"_That's it? Meditation and discipline?_"

"_Well, I guess when you realize that the only people you thought you could trust have been lying to you for twenty-seven years, and that what you thought was your life's purpose turns out to be a farce, it might give you a little perspective. Your 'outbursts', as you call them, seem trivial compared to that._"

Lilith isn't sure about the Order's Four Maxims. To her, they sound suspiciously of propagandist dogma used to keep Maya in line. Give a person something to believe in, something to _really_ believe in, and they'll hold onto that belief until they draw their last breath. But she decides to say nothing. They seem important to Maya, and that should be all that matters.

* * *

Lilith has bad days.

Bad days, full of agitation and anxiety, days where she sometimes feels she's on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Her body constantly craves the poison she feeds on, begging for just one more hit, just one tiny, insignificant little nugget, because Maya will never know, and she needs it so badly, and it will help soothe her nerves...

But she refuses to disappoint herself like that. More importantly, she refuses to disappoint Maya like that. She can't, she _won't_ let herself destroy Maya, especially not after Maya has tried so hard to fix her.

She has bad nights, too. Bad, long, nauseous, cold, agitated, restless nights...

Lilith lies in the fetal position, with Maya pressed up behind her, providing her with some much-needed warmth. Her feet are so cold she can barely feel them.

"You're sure you can't just... like, heal me of this?" Lilith asks, her voice quivering and desperate.

"You know I would if I could," Maya whispers, kissing Lilith on the neck and holding onto her a little tighter. "But it's not an illness of the body. It's an illness of the mind. I can't heal that."

"Well... can't you do _any_thing?"

"Meditation, Lil."

"Meditation? What, like... closing my eyes and repeating the same stupid meaningless sentence over and over again?"

"It's about self-awareness. Calming the mind. Reflecting on yourself. Shutting out everything from the outside world: all the noise, all the pain... every last distraction. Until you are all that exists in that moment."

"Sounds complicated."

"Well, it's definitely not something you'd be able to master overnight."

"So how does that help me now?"

"It's supposed to _relax_ you. To put you at ease."

"Just sounds like a bunch of spiritual crap to me," Lilith mutters, tucking her right hand underneath her pillow.

Lilith feels Maya's shoulders shrugging behind her. "I guess it can't appeal to everybody. Maybe you had to grow up being taught that kind of thing to really believe in it."

"Yeah... maybe..."

"It helps me, though. I can even block out pain with enough concentration."

Lilith harrumphs and shifts back and forth uncomfortably.

Maya just hums softly and wraps her arm a little more tightly around Lilith's midsection.

"So what's the whole point of that, anyway?" Lilith asks after a short silence.

"Well, ultimately: liberation."

"Liberation? From what?"

"From hatred and hostility. From worry and anxiety. From apathy. From distrust and self-doubt."

"You expect me to believe you never worry about stuff or doubt yourself?"

"Of course not. It's not about not experiencing those emotions at all. But it's not about wallowing in them either. It's about reflecting on those feelings, accepting them as a temporary part of your life, and understanding that they're not a reflection on who you are as a person."

Lilith falls silent, shivering slightly.

"Once you do that, you start to learn how to handle those feelings. How to react to them. How to deal with them, positively."

Lilith replays what Maya just said a few times in her mind before letting out a small "Hunh..."

"Mmm. You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah... yeah I'll be fine..." Lilith whispers. "Just thinkin' about what you said... anyway. You should try to get some sleep..."

"So should you," Maya murmurs, cuddling up against Lilith.

Lilith hums softly and shuts her eyes, focusing on the distant howling of the night wind outside the cave entrance, the hint of spring waterfall-scented moisturizer still lingering on her hands, Maya's warm breath rhythmically tickling the back of her neck...

The next morning, after Maya gives her eridium for the morning and gets into the shower, Lilith stares at a crimson-colored blanket. Maya's words from last night drift through her head.

"This is stupid," she mutters to herself, but nonetheless, she folds the blanket up, sets it on the ground, and kneels on top of it.

Lilith closes her eyes and focuses on her breathing, trying to shut out anything and everything from the external world.

* * *

Lilith has _bad_ days.

Lilith's fingernails scratch nervously at her forearm. She paces the room restlessly, eyes darting over at the clock every fifteen seconds.

"Lily, watching the clock isn't gonna make it go any faster."

"Oh come on, it's just fifteen minutes. What's fifteen minutes? You know how many minutes I've been alive? You know how many minutes this damn _planet_ has existed? Fifteen minutes is _tiny_."

"You get it at six, and not a second before."

"_Hnnngggghh_ I don't know if I'm gonna _last_ until six. Look at me, I'm a wreck."

"You know I hate to see you like this, but this is all for your own good."

"If you were really worried about my own good you'd _give me some eridium,_" she says, putting careful emphasis on the last seven syllables.

"Stop pacing."

Lilith sighs and sits down on the foot of her bed. She grabs onto the railing at its edge and looks around her lair, her bottom lip twitching and her knuckles turning white.

"Hm. Patience, huh?" she asks, letting out a laugh that sounds more like a scoff.

"It's not just patience for things. It's patience with yourself. Being patient when working towards your goals. Finding a way to deal with the cravings."

"How am I supposed to be patient with myself if I can't be patient for fifteen fucking minutes?"

"You know how this works."

Lilith looks up at Maya from the bed, then bites her bottom lip. With a snap of her fingers, she appears standing in front of Maya, her left hand on Maya's throat.

"Unnh..." Maya lets out the smallest of gasps. She can feel the heat from Lilith's hand through the collar of her combat suit, a heat much too intense to be coming from blood, muscle, and skin.

"I know how it works. I don't give a _shit_ how it works. Because if I don't get some of that crap in me right now, I am going to _burst_."

"You're angry," Maya squeaks out, grabbing Lilith's wrist with her right hand.

"You're _god damn right_ I'm angry," Lilith growls through clenched teeth.

Maya struggles to swallow some saliva as she feels Lilith's fingers tighten around her throat. "You-... you're gonna hurt me..."

"I just might if you don't give me some of that shit right _now_."

"You're gonna _hurt_ me..." Maya whispers.

Lilith narrows her eyes, analyzing Maya's face. There is no fear in her silver eyes. There is no shakiness to her voice. She isn't in the least bit worried that Lilith might hurt her. In fact, she almost sounds as if she's... _challenging_ her.

"You _want_ to hurt me."

Maya stares back into Lilith's eyes. Maya sees the anger and the frustration burning behind them, and she smiles. Her chest heaves with each short, shallow breath. Her lips part, and she whispers so quietly that Lilith has to lean her head forward and place her left ear next to Maya's lips just to hear her.

A sadistic smile slowly spreads across Lilith's face as she listens to Maya's hushed voice.

"_What else do you wanna do to me?_"

Lilith pulls her head back to look into Maya's eyes. Maya stares back and bites her bottom lip.

Lilith's hand still rests on Maya's neck. She squeezes.

"I wanna tear those clothes right off of you. I wanna lick every inch of your skin. And I wanna mark your body up and down so everybody knows you're _mine_..."

Lilith's grip on Maya's neck loosens. Maya takes in a deep breath, then lets it out in a low chuckle.

"I want to make you _scream_ out my name so loud that they hear you all the way back in Sanctuary..."

Maya lets out a low moan. Even through her heat-resistant combat suit, she can feel the heat from Lilith's body building in intensity. Lilith's fingers are nearly hot enough to burn flesh, but Maya doesn't shy from their touch. Not now. Not ever.

Lilith leans in, slides her hand to the back of Maya's neck, and whispers into her ear. "_I want to fuck you until the bed goes up in flames_..."

A grin spreads over Maya's face as she leans her head back and closes her eyes.

And with her fiery wings unfurled, Lilith throws Maya onto the bed.

Excited fingers hastily slip off shoes and socks; clumsy hands fumble with a belt buckle; nails scratch skin as a shirt is pulled off its owner.

Lilith is in complete control. Exactly as she likes it. She is in complete control of her body, of the flames and the heat that shoot out of it, of the night, and of Maya.

A cloak of flame envelops the Sirens. The flames lick at their backs, at their feet, at their arms, but Lilith is able to control it, to keep it from burning Maya's delicate skin... unless she wants it to. Maya is able to heal her burns nearly instantaneously after they are formed, but the pain, the intense, horrible, wonderful, _beautiful_ pain... Lilith is quick to learn Maya's tolerance for it, and she teases her skin with pulsing heat from her fingertips, her lips, her tongue.

If love is war, then sex is a battle.

She is not Lilith. Tonight, she is The Firehawk.

The seductive, alluring, all-powerful Firehawk. Temptress of the Tundra. Succubus of the Snow.

Lilith would be gentle with Maya. Lilith would melt as Maya whispers sweet nothings into her ear. Lilith would want nothing more than to prove to Maya that she is the only thing that matters.

But The Firehawk will dominate Maya, because The Firehawk is always in control. The Firehawk will make Maya submit to Her will, and The Firehawk make Maya scream Her name out in delirious ecstasy as the flames burn around them...

The Firehawk will hold true to Her promises...

If any of the bandits in Frostburn Canyon were still alive, they may well have been woken up by Maya's carnal, elated screams, or Lilith's lustful moans echoing through the cave, or even the scent of a burning mattress...

Lilith awakens the next morning in Maya's arms. There are no burns on Maya's skin, but the scratches along her back and her ass, the bite marks on her body... Maya lets those remain.

Legs intertwined, naked bodies pressed together, they lie on top of a crimson blanket which covers a wide layer of ashes on the ground.

Lilith smiles. It's been hours since she last had any eridium in her system. And the yearning, the craving for more is still there, but part of her feels... strangely rejuvenated.

It's the first time Lilith has slept comfortably through the night since she began her detox.

* * *

Lilith has better days.

Some days just feel like she's living from one dose to the next, the spaces in between leaving her feeling like time is standing completely still. Times where she has nothing to do but sit and think.

"So... Understanding, then. That's the third one?"

"Yeah. Here." Maya sits down across from Lilith and hands her a large glass of water.

"Thanks." Lilith takes a long drink from the glass before setting it down and sighing softly.

"I thought you weren't interested in this stuff," Maya says, crossing her left leg over her right and giving Lilith an inquisitive look. "I seem to remember you calling it 'spiritual crap', in fact."

"Well... it seems important to you. Maybe there is something to it."

Maya smiles. "You're already making progress. Open-mindedness is an important part of understanding."

"Or maybe the monks _were_ full of shit. Can't know until I learn about what they taught you, can I?"

"I suppose not," Maya says with a chuckle.

"So, then... what's that all about, loving your fellow man? Some sappy crap like that?"

"Understanding your enemy. Understanding their abilities."

"Hmm. Well, I've used enough eridium to know what it can do to me... and I've seen what it did to Angel... I'd say I've got a pretty good understanding of how dangerous it can be."

"It's also about understanding motivations. Weaknesses. Yours and your enemy's."

"Like... why I use it."

"Sure," Maya says, with a slight tilt of her head.

Lilith chuckles. "Feels like I'm in therapy..."

Maya smiles reassuringly. "We don't have to do this-"

Lilith shakes her head. She doesn't have to, she knows. She wants to. "I guess... I guess I first started using because I liked the power it gave me. Seeing that weird worshipper guy just-" Lilith sees Maya's lip twitching slightly, and decides to spare her the details. "Seeing the power it gave me just made me want more... and more, and... well..."

"Yes?"

"I mean... like I said, Roland was really the only human interaction I had when I was living here before... and I've never really minded solitude, but the loneliness..."

Maya slowly uncrosses her legs and leans forward in her chair.

Lilith sighs. "If it weren't for the loneliness... at first, it started off as just using before I would go out to fight off some bandits that were planning to attack Sanctuary... and it just felt so good, that _rush_ of fighting them off with that eridium flowing through me... and then I guess I just started thinking, hey, if it feels good then, maybe I can use some when I'm feeling really lonely... and it helped make that loneliness a little more bearable..."

Maya nods encouragingly; Lilith clears her throat and continues:

"And then it just got to the point where I just... I couldn't even start my day without it. I couldn't fall asleep without it. Before I even knew what happened it was invading every aspect of my life."

She shakes her head and takes a drink of water.

"Then after Roland died and Jack pumped all that shit into me... it... it changed, somehow... I still felt like I needed it to function, but... I don't know. The highs weren't as intense anymore. There was no..." Lilith sighs as she wracks her brain for the right word.

"Spark?" Maya suggests.

"Yeah... yeah, no spark. It was like... it was almost as if... before Jack captured me, I would take it to feel like I was really _living_... and then after, I would take it just so I could feel alive again..."

A silence falls between them as Lilith looks down at her feet.

"Heh. That was kind of heavy, wasn't it?" the redhead says, desperate to lighten the mood.

"How does it feel, getting that off your chest?"

Lilith slowly looks up into Maya's eyes and smiles. "Feels like the weight of the world just got lifted off my shoulders," she admits, rubbing the back of her neck.

Maya moves to sit beside Lilith on the bed. "Lilith...! Opening up to me like that? That was a really big step..."

Lilith offers a meager smile. "I dunno... I guess I just feel comfortable telling you something like that..."

"I'm glad you trust me with that," she says, putting her right arm around Lilith's shoulder and taking Lilith's left hand in her own.

"Who else would I tell?" Lilith asks with a dry chuckle.

"No, I know there's not really anyone else to talk to, but... still!"

She smiles and looks down at their tattooed hands joined together. She didn't mean it like that. She didn't tell her because she's the only one around.

_I told you because... I think I'm falling in love with you..._

The words float loud and clear through her head, but she won't allow them to pass her lips. Now isn't the time.

She needs to wait until she's clean. Then she'll know when it's time.

* * *

Lilith has good days. Days that gradually become more frequent.

The cravings still come and go. She's not sure those will ever go away. But managing them has gotten easier for her. She has outlets now, other ways to channel that wanting, that yearning.

She and Maya visit Sanctuary a few times as Lilith gets better. She was anxious the first time, scared that Tina would be angry with her for leaving after she finally came to terms with Roland's death. But the young girl was as happy as ever to see her, like a domesticated skag pup would greet its owner when he came back home after a long day in the wastes. And Lilith smiled as the two of them hugged, and the young girl invited Lilith to join herself and Gaige so the three of them could "blow up some bitches in The Dust".

The only thing that bothers her is that people didn't seem to pay much attention to Maya. They greeted her, said they missed her, the usual pleasantries, but all the questions were always about how Lilith was doing, how Lilith was coming along. And she obviously understands why, but she can't help but get a little upset when she can't remember one person asking how Maya was handling the past several weeks, how well Maya has been sleeping, if Maya's feeling better...

"You're still thinking about that?" Maya asks, seeing Lilith gazing ahead at nothing in particular.

Lilith slowly looks over at Maya. She lies on her stomach on the bed, left hand placed flat on an open book, her silver eyes surveying Lilith's face. "Huh?"

"I can tell. You get that faraway look in your eyes when you're thinking about something. You're still hung up on our trip to Sanctuary, aren't you?"

"That doesn't bother you? That nobody seemed concerned about you?"

"What's there to be concerned about?"

Lilith laughs. "I dunno, dealing with my crazy ass for the past six weeks?"

"You're making it sound like I was forced into this."

"You're sure that doesn't bother you? Because it bothers the _hell_ out of me."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"What, that it bothers me?"

"Well, sure. People with drug problems don't tend to think about anyone but themselves, do they?"

"I... guess not?" Lilith answers uncertainly.

"So you're concerned about me. You thought other people should have been more concerned, too. It's sweet that you're thinking of me like that," Maya says, her eyes almost twinkling as her lips spread into a smile.

Lilith sighs as she feels a smile creeping over her own face.

"Trust me, Lily, the fact that you're concerned about this can only be a good thing."

"Yeah... yeah, I guess," she says, looking back down at the desk in front of her.

Maya slowly goes back to reading her book as Lilith grabs a pen and looks down at the piece of paper resting in the middle of the desk, at the few words written across it in neat script. She sits for a few minutes in silence before glancing over at Maya.

"What's the fourth one?"

Maya looks up from her book, then slips a ribbon between the pages of her book and closes it. "The fourth what?"

"The fourth Maxim," Lilith says, looking up from the paper sitting on her desk. She leans back in her chair, balancing on its back two legs, her left hand resting on the edge of the desk. "I've got Meditation, Patience, and Understanding. I can't remember the fourth one."

"Discipline."

"Discipline..." Lilith echos, scribbling the word down on the list in neat, looping letters. "That's really what they taught you, huh?"

"Those were the cornerstones of my entire training."

"And you still buy into it? After all the things they lied about to you?"

Maya cups her chin in her palm and drums her fingertips against her cheek. "Well, if I abandon that, I'm not really left with much of anything."

Lilith nods slowly, looking from Maya back down to the paper on her desk.

"It's gotten me this far, anyway. It's got to be working to some degree."

"Right..."

Maya props herself onto her elbows and rolls her shoulders. Lilith takes notice and gets up from her chair, climbs onto the bed, and kneels astride Maya's waist.

"So what did they mean by Discipline?" Lilith asks, placing her hands on Maya's shoulders and kneading the tense muscles.

Maya lets out a sigh and folds her left hand on top of her right, then lies down flat and rests her cheek on the back of her left hand. "Discipline," she says slowly, "is being able to motivate yourself despite adversity."

"That sounds like you're reciting." Lilith works her thumbs slowly and firmly up the back of Maya's neck.

"That's because I am. They practically drilled this stuff into my head."

"Well, don't. Sell it to me in your own words. I probably wouldn't understand half of their faux-religious bullshit anyway."

Maya takes a moment, half concentrating on Lilith's advice, and half concentrating on Lilith's massage. "Discipline is... being able to see possibilities without your view getting distorted by your desires. Being able to do something even when you don't want to."

"So it's basically willpower."

"Yeah, kind of. Persistent willpower, anyway. It's like a muscle, basically. The more you exercise it, the more disciplined you become. And then you can push yourself even further."

"Is that why you're so tense? Too much _discipline_?" Lilith teases, working her knuckles along Maya's upper back.

Maya lets out a noise that sounds somewhere between a chuckle and a moan. "If you're disciplined enough... there's nothing separating you from what you want but time and effort."

"Doesn't sound easy..."

"Mmm... That's kind of the point."

"Maybe I need you to discipline me..." Lilith says with a grin. Maya glances over her shoulder and smirks.

"You can't handle _my_ kind of discipline," she teases.

Lilith glances down as she feels Maya's hand tapping her right knee. She lifts her right leg, scoots over to the side, and sits on the bed beside Maya. Maya smoothly rolls off the other side, then slowly walks down the stairs and opens a cabinet in the lower level of the Firehawk's lair.

"Almost lost track of time," she says, holding a small chunk of eridium between her fingers.

Lilith glances from the eridium to the clock, back to the eridium, and then up at Maya. Maya raises an eyebrow, and Lilith smirks as she reaches her hand out.

Maya places the purple ore in her hand, and Lilith turns it over in her fingers before tossing it over the railing, down into the canyon below. Maya glances over as it tumbles out of sight.

"Discipline," Lilith says with a playful grin. Maya smiles back, and slowly kneels astride Lilith's lap, draping her arms loosely around Lilith's shoulders.

"You really want my discipline, huh?"

"Don't want," Lilith says, her hands finding Maya's hips. "_Need._"

Maya chuckles, and leans in for a kiss.

* * *

Maya heaves a sigh and wipes the sweat from her brow with the back of her gloved hand. The heat of the lava floe is visibly getting to her, but Lilith seems unaffected.

"I thought your suit was heat-resistant," Lilith says, observing Maya's discomfort.

"Heat-_resistant_. Not heat-_proof_. This _is_ an active volcano, after all. This seriously isn't bothering you?" Maya asks, her brow furrowed in disbelief.

Lilith shakes her head.

Out of the entire group of Vault Hunters, Salvador is the only one to have made the trek up the dangerous path along the river of lava flowing down the mountain's face.

"_What was it like?_" Gaige had asked him when he came back down, two new weapons in his hand (the others still haven't figured out where he found his "new toys", because surely nobody would leave weapons at the top of an active volcano).

"_Hot!_" he boomed with a loud laugh.

Lilith of course can feel the heat too. She just isn't bothered by it. Not even as she crosses a girder spanning the length of the lava river.

"How has this thing not _melted_?" Maya asks, giving the makeshift bridge an incredulous look as she doubles over to catch her breath.

Eventually, the two Sirens reach the peak of Mount Hellsfont – or more accurately, as close to the peak as any sane individual would ever stand.

Lilith stares down at the bubbling lava. With steady hands, she opens the door of the strongbox, and looks at the shimmering purple contents inside, sparkling, glowing, inviting her to just take one of them into her hands and channel them into her body.

She stares down at the nuggets, her stomach churning over. She didn't anticipate this symbolic gesture would be so difficult. But it does make sense, she supposes. She never would have gotten Sanctuary off the ground without them. Would she? She can't tell if that's the eridium telling her that, or if she might have had that power inside her all along with just a little more focus and training. A little more discipline.

But then she thinks of how she teleported the Vault Hunters away when the city lifted off. She was lucky that none of them were hurt by that mistake. If something terrible had happened, if Axton ended up like one of the fugitives he used to hunt down before joining the gang, or if poor Gaige had lost another limb thanks to her, she never would have been able to forgive herself.

Or Maya... above all else, she's grateful her powers didn't hurt Maya, that she's standing here beside her now.

She raises the strong box a bit closer to her face, and Maya cocks her head as she watches Lilith's lips move, her voice just loud enough so that Maya can hear her saying something, but can't make out the exact words.

After taking a deep breath, Lilith holds the strongbox out and drops it. She watches as it sails down past the jagged rocks and sinks slowly into the lava below.

It's been two weeks since Lilith last used.

"What did you say back there?" Maya asks curiously as they begin the trek back down to the Eridium Blight.

Lilith smiles to herself, waiting a moment before answering. "Just something that I used to think when I was using it... something I used to think about you. I was wrong."

Maya nods slowly, unsatisfied with the answer, but she respects Lilith's decision not to tell her, and promises herself she won't pry for an answer.

Lilith reaches her right hand out for Maya's left, and she sighs as their fingers intertwine, her thumb gently rubbing Maya's skin. "Let's go home, Maya. I wanna tell you something."

"Tell me what?" Maya asks, tilting her head curiously.

Lilith smiles at her and kisses her on the cheek. "Not here. When we get back. Then it'll be time."


End file.
